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2010 Suicide Squeeze Team Capsule |
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| 13th PLACE - 68.5 PTS
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In last year’s Suicide Squeeze team capsule, the following was written:
Teams who have made the leap to their first money season in recent years have usually struggled the season following (the highest any of the last three franchises in similar situations have finished in the subsequent season has been 12th).
Entering 2010, Suicide Squeeze owner Kenny Creel was looking to reverse this trend. With a limited keeper base, having a really good draft day was imperative to the team’s success. Creel, however, spent the night before the draft drinking heavily on Bourbon Street, and arrived at the draft still under the influence. His early draft was quite tipsy, as he rostered three of the first nine players, including nominating Chase Utley at $50 (before winning the bid at $52). He also added Ichiro at $30 and Miguel Cabrera at $48, dropping an incredible $130 in less than 20 minutes, becoming the first team below $100 before some teams had even uttered a bid on a player. About a half hour later, a $32 winning bid on Derrek Lee dropped Suicide Squeeze to a $2 max bid, with 10 roster spots left to fill, and at that point, his team would never recover. With a pitching keeper base of Bronson Arroyo ($6), Brad Penny ($6) and Jonathan Broxton ($20), Creel spent a total of $8 on the remaining 8 pitchers needed to complete his staff, adding John Maine, Chien-Ming Wang and Kyle Lohse, who combined for a total of 65 innings over the course of the year. Although Penny and Arroyo were pretty solid, and an early season trade netted Jared Weaver, Broxton was horrendous, eventually losing the closers job, and the last three spots in the starting rotation were an absolute disaster all year. In the end, Suicide Squeeze’s pitching staff was worse than every team other than the plunger winner. On the other hand, their offense was mediocre, as great performances by keepers Nick Swisher and Ryan Zimmerman, along with Cabrera, were unable to overcome Derek Jeter’s and Chase Utley’s worst seasons as professionals. Although Suicide Squeeze spent the early part of the season in the top half of the standings, by the All-Star break, the team had settled towards the bottom 1/4th of the table where they would remain for the balance of the year. |
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| TEAM MVP - MIGUEL CABRERA |
One of the least surprising moments of the 2010 draft was when Creel rostered Cabrera for $48, even though it dropped him below $100 left in draft money. Cabrera had been a fantasy stalwart for the Suicide Squeeze franchise for the previous three seasons, and Creel’s loyalty paid huge dividends again in 2010. Cabrera was a true four-category stud from day one – he smacked 38 homers, drove in 126 runs, scored 111 and hit a team best .329 over 548 AB, leading the team in every offensive category except stolen bases. In fact, no other Suicide Squeeze offensive player hit 30 homers or drove in 90 runs, and only Derek Jeter approached his runs total, making him the easy choice for team MVP.
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| TEAM RO-SHAM-BO - CHASE UTLEY |
 In the long history of this league, only nine times had a player’s salary reached the $50 threshold. The number of times that player was not named Alex Rodriguez was only three – Matt Holliday in 2008 and Albert Pujols and David Wright in 2009. And when a team makes a bid that enormous, there is a level of expectation that the player will be by far the best player at his position and one of the top, if not THE top, players in the league. When Suicide Squeeze bid $52 on Chase Utley in 2010, Creel thought he was buying the best middle infielder available, the filet mignon of the position. Instead, he got the equivalent of a steaming pile of cow excrement. Utley had a subpar first half of the season and at the end of June, tore a ligament in his thumb, missing six weeks. When he returned in early August, his struggles continued and he finished the 2010 campaign with the worst numbers since his rookie season – 16 home runs, 65 RBIs, 75 runs, 13 steals and a .275 average. When all was said and done, Utley did not rank in the top 115 players in the league and was not even in the top 10
Chase Utley performed like a $52 pile of poo for Suicide Squeeze in 2010.
at his extremely weak position. His production would have been considered a disappointment even if his salary was a quarter of his draft day price, making him one of the biggest wastes of money in 2010 and Suicide Squeeze’s Ro Sham Bo.
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| OUTLOOK FOR 2011 |
As light as Suicide Squeeze was on talent entering the 2010 season, 2011 looks far worse. The team still has up-and-coming SS Elvis Andrus under contract, but with only one reup available, the squad will only be able to keep Ryan Zimmerman OR Nick Swisher. And with Miguel Cabrera’s legal issues, Creel may choose to let the slugger go. On the positive side, there are no questionable keepers to potentially derail the season. Unfortunately, Creel will be unable to attend this year’s draft as he is relocating to North Carolina. In his place, his new partner Nick Tartaglia will be handling the draft day duties and his inexperience may prove too much for the franchise to overcome and a money finish this season looks to be a pipe dream. Then again, if Tartaglia shows up at the draft sober, it may prove to be an improvement from last year’s draft day debacle.
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