2010 Road to the Golden Plunger


	Top 10 Things Uttered at Jose's & Alton's Houses During the 2010 Season " Stephen Strasburg was so upset at being a member of our team this year, we think he blew out his elbow on purpose.” “We might finish last … but on the bright side, at least we have next season to look forward to.” “Neil told us that’s it’s really not that bad winning a plunger. Of course, he’s also the same guy who told us that drafting Kevin Millwood and Chris Getz as the cornerstones of our team was a good idea too.” “I hate to admit it, but we were way in over our head with the strategy needed to win in this league. This year we’ve decided to play in a fantasy tic-tac-toe league instead – that should be more our speed.” “Randy told us our team was one of the worst he’d ever seen in his 20 years of playing fantasy baseball – We told him that was a ridiculous exaggeration. Then he told us that with some more practice, we might be able to get better. We told him again that he really needed to stop exaggerating.” “Our team was filled with so much junk after the draft, our team anthem should have been the theme to *Sanford and Son.” “Last year’s plunger team Half Cajun* was honored with a commemorative stamp set – I hear our plunger winning team is getting honored with a commemorative vomit bag. That seems appropriate.” “We’ve seen teams in this league who struggle early, but then who build solid foundations they can compete with in the future. No, we’re not one of those teams … we’re just saying we’ve seen them before …” “The only guy who had a worst year than we did might have been Charlie Sheen. Of course, the fact that playing the part of a pitcher in the movie Major League was enough to make him better than 75% of the players we rostered says more about us than it does about him.” “We finished behind a guy who may have still been drunk during the draft, a woman, a guy in a bear costume, an ex-clown, a five-time plunger winner, and Billy. Now we know what finishing last in the Special Olympics must feel like.”

			MASH's Arceneaux Promises An Improved Performance in 2011*
	by Steven Prentiss Every year, Randy and I really look forward to producing this page…because usually it entails making fun of MASH owner and five-time Golden Plunger winner Neil Arceneaux. But it has now been two full seasons since Neil has finished at the bottom of the standings. Could this finally be Neil showing long-term improvement? Has he finally figured it out? Or is this just a 2-year aberration? Intrigued, I decided to give our friend a call and get his take on the matter. “At first, I was pretty satisfied with my team’s finish,” Arceneaux stated. “I thought we had made a pretty good run at it. But as time went on, it started wearing on me…to come so close and to not reach your goal is very unsatisfying. I realized that if I don’t bring home a trophy, it has been a subpar season. I expect better of myself.” I asked Arceneaux what went wrong in 2010. “I’m still trying to figure that out,” Arceneaux stated with a quizzical look on his face. It was apparent that he had given it much thought over the last 4 months. “I thought I had done everything to earn number six. I had crappy keepers and followed it up with a piss poor auction. My reserve draft was so bad that it got graded an F-. I made a number of bad trades, like trading away Aramis Ramirez and getting a soon-to-be-injured Jake Peavy. All my players underachieved. Nyjer Morgan even tried to go one step further, getting a long suspension after throwing a ball into the stands. What more could I do?” Arceneaux looked despondent. I asked him if he had any regrets. “Was there a move that you thought would work that just went horribly wrong,” I inquired. “In the end, I probably most regret some of my free agent selections – Jeff Keppinger produced some pretty decent stats, which was disappointing. And picking up J.J. Putz, who is now the closer in Arizona, was probably a big mistake. He’s way too good a keeper for my squad. I’ll be trying to trade him this week for some part-time catcher that I can sign for a couple of years. You know, I have to look beyond 2011 as well.” I mentioned to Arceneaux that MASH‘s recent mediocrity has been disappointing. He agreed. “It’s been since 2007 that MASH had one of the 5 Worst Moves in the league. In fact, in that time, I’ve actually had two moves make the 5 Best Moves lists. I guess I can take solace in the fact that I was on the bad side of one of the best moves of 2010.” Arceneaux continued. “It’s been two long seasons since I’ve brought home a trophy. The great fans of the MASH franchise expect hardware every year, and to be honest, they deserve it. This has been the longest we’ve gone since the early 2000’s when we had that frustrating run of middle-tier finishes that culminated in that distasteful money finish in 2002.” “What has been the worst part of this recent run,” I asked. “That’s easy,” Arceneaux said. “The worst part was seeing the disappointment in the faces of my wife and son when I told them I had failed. My son broke out in tears. There is nothing worse in the world than failing in the eyes of your children. He was so dejected…he’s still waiting for ‘Toddler’s Second Plunger’. He plays with the first one so much, it’s nearly worn out and he’s starting to outgrow it.”